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Rusticu
Updates:
Sarah
& Dan's
New
Puppies:
"Lacey"
(02/14/07)
"Winnie"
(05/20/06)
Sarah
& Dan's
Wedding
Photo
(03/24/06)
Honetor
Altmann
Website
(3/20/06)
Honetor
Holiday
Photos
(12/24/05)
Maddie
Memorial
(Dec 2005)
Vivvi
&
Buelow -
Agility
(Mar 05-Feb 06)
TCoW
Tracking
Seminar
Photos
Woodtick
Count
Zoe's
Pyrographic
Image
(1/29/05)
Funny
Faces
(7/14/04)
Addie
-
New Page
(7/10/04)
Vivvi
-
JH Title
(6/6/04)
Buelow
-
JH Title
(4/25/04)
Vivvi
-
AKC
Champion
(02/19/04)
Buelow
-
Head Study
drawn
(10/28/03)
Neela
-
OAJ Title
(08/31/03)
Alex
(08/21/03)
Dog
Show
News
(06/16/03)
Pavin
Photos
(04/20/03)
Addie
Photo
(02/15/03)
Vivvi,
Buelow,
V-Greeting
(see home page)
(02/01/03)
Puppy
Photos
(01/11/03)
Zoe
(11/18/02)
Week
6
Puppy
Photos
(10/25/02)
More
Peanut
Gallery
Photos
(10/25/02)
Week
5
Puppy
Photos
(10/16/02)
More
Peanut
Gallery
Photos
(10/16/02)
Penny's
Two
Cents
(10/8/02)
Web
Site
Feedback
(10/7/02)
Week
4
Puppy
Photos
(10/6/02)
Breeding
-
Things I've
Learned
(10/4/02)
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In Everloving Memory of
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"Zoe"
April 23, 1995 -
November 1,
2002 |
"Neela"
March
19, 1996 - December 22, 2006
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Zoe was our
radiant sunshine,
effervescent joy,
closest soulmate,
true friend
and everlasting love. |
Neela
was our
beaming light,
gentle sweetness,
talkative buddy,
loyal partner,
and everlasting love.
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|
Zo-Zo
& Neela-boo-boo,
our hearts ache.
You will always be our #1's.
Photos above taken
in 1999 in our yard on a foggy morning.
|
 
©Burning
with Enthusiasm
This Season's
V-Greeting:
Click
to view
other Season's V-Greetings...
Pencil Head Study of
Buelow by Michael Steddum.
Click on the image above to see a larger version.
Available in 11x14 B&W prints and 5x7 notecards.
Watercolor "Master's
Chair" of
Buelow by Michael Steddum.
Click on the image above to see a larger version.
Available in 11x14 prints and 5x7 notecards.
|
Penny's
Two Cents
Random
thoughts, opinions, comments, complaints...
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December
26,
2006 - Missing Neela Desperately
We lost
Neela the day after a UW-Madison Vet Hospital oncologist's
confirmation of our vet's diagnosis: incurable, aggressive
Hemangiosarcoma (cancer of the blood) with a life expectancy
of 1-2 months. She went from a playful, spunky,
seemingly healthy dog one day to a very sick dog the next
and we made the heart-wrenching decision to let her fall
asleep comfortably here at home in her favorite spot on the
sofa with Rob and I hugging and kissing her and telling her
how much we love her on Friday, December 22, 2006. We
could not bear to have Neela continue to experience pain and
discomfort so great she couldn't sleep or breathe normally,
nor wanted to walk or eat. We miss you so much Neela-boo-boo.
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November
5,
2006 - Still Missing Zoe
Lots
of teas were shed on November 1, 2006 - the 4th
anniversary of losing Zoe.
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February
14,
2005 - Don't
Want the Dream to End
I
recently had a very vivid dream about Zoe - she was in my
arms giving me her little kisses and I remember thinking,
"I almost forgot what Zoe kisses were like."
And I knew that I had other Vizslas but couldn't remember
who they were because I was so happy to have Zoe in my arms
again. It was so realistic, I thought I had really had
Zoe in my arms. I guess in a way I did. And then
the other evening when I was cutting toenails, I just broke
down because I kept thinking how much I wished I still had
an extra set of Zoe nails to clip too. She would just
roll over even though she didn't like them clipped, and was
the only Vizsla who gave me absolutely no grief about nail
cutting and I miss that so much.
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June
5,
2004 - Endless
Pain
I
wonder if you would believe that I still cry about Zoe every
single day? Or that I still cannot have a photo taken
of Rob and I and our Vizslas because Zoe isn't in it.
Cannot write out Thank You cards to those who showed us
kindnesses after Zoe's death because of the shame and guilt
I still feel about it. Cannot send out Christmas Cards
and Newsletters because it is still too painful to have to
write down that Zoe is gone. Cannot complete my Zoe
photos & memories booklet due to the sadness it causes
when I try to start. Cannot remove the memorial above
because she is still such a big part of our lives.
Cannot plant flowers because that's a happy thing and I'm
not. Cannot talk about her to anyone without breaking down.
The pain still runs so deep and the void so wide, filled
only with a lonely echo of sadness.
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November
1,
2003 - No
End
This
overwhelming sadness from our loss of Zoe continues. A year
has gone by, many tears have gone by, and many more will
come. My grief for Zoe cannot be measured in time, nor
in depth, it is clearly infinite. I have learned to
live with it, accept it, go on despite it. So though
there is a darkness in my life, I try to not let it
overshadow my life.
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September
2,
2003 - Neverending
Sadness
I
continue to think of Zoe daily, even hourly. I still
miss her so much, it hurts as much as if I lost her
yesterday. I've come to the conclusion that the phrase
"Time heals all wounds" means in time I'll die and
then won't feel any more pain. And now there's an
added sadness in my life. Zoe's brother Alex has
recently joined Zoe after losing his battle with
cancer. I know that they both are in a better place,
full of peace and utter beauty. But I am still so sad
not to have them here. I remember picking Zoe up in my
arms so often, it was just a natural thing to do and she was
completely at ease there. I gave Zoe lots of hugs and
kisses while she was in my arms, the absolute closeness that
flowed between us was both powerful and effortless.
Our lives have changed, and the puppies continue to grow
closer to us each day, and Neela is such a sweet being and
wonderful presence in our lives.
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May
19,
2003 - Eversalty
Sheets
Though
our puppies are doing so well in training and the
conformation ring, when I cry on my way home from class and
shows, it is never tears of joy. Rather, continuing
sadness over wanting Zoe to be here to share in our
successes, wishing with all my heart that Zoe still had
successes to celebrate too. When trying to fall
asleep, I run agility courses in my mind with Zoe. She
was so much fun and I miss it so much. Puffy
morning eyes are still the norm - I still cry myself to
sleep most nights, sopping away my tears with the
sheets. We did communicate with Zoe via Rebecca
Moravec on what would have been her eighth birthday, April
23. Rebecca said of all the many readings she has done
in the past, this was the first time that she could not tell
where Zoe's spirit ended and mine began, that we were
"twin souls". And that Zoe is here with us
now and we would always be together and will be reunited
here sometime soon. Neela said she'd like her puppies a lot
more if she saw them a lot less! And that she wanted
the ice cream and not to give any to the puppies (I don't
usually have ice cream for them but there was a
partially-eaten DQ in the freezer at the time of the reading
that I had been letting them lick!!!) Neela said she wants
to continue to do agility and wants to spend more time alone
with me outdoors because she also misses Zoe and needs to
work through her grief along with me.
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March
13,
2003 - Forever
Sad
I
just got a new Honda Element which I love, but I will miss
driving my CRV and looking into the rear view mirror and in
my mind seeing Zoe's little gray face staring back at me
through the wires of the crate. We put on a lot of
miles together in that vehicle, back and forth to agility
training and trials, visiting family, etc. The Element
has already been christened with tears as memories of Zoe
fill my mind while commuting.
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February
2,
2003 - Everpainful
Feelings
I
just had my first "open gate" nightmare where
Neela got out of the yard but not onto the road. The
times I always think of Zoe and feel so bad are on my way to
and from work, and of course crying myself to sleep most
nights. And frequently inbetween. But my desire
to shop and eat chocolate have returned, so a little
progress is being made. As much as I don't want to
feel so bad so often, I also dread that time too, fearing I
will be losing my feelings for and memories of Zoe. On
a more positive note, the puppies are growing so fast and
are so fun to have around.
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January 10,
2003 - Everpresent
Reminders
Logic
says one would get used to a new state of reality, but the
truth is I do not. Zoe always knew when we came home
before we got out of our car and would run to the kitchen
window and bark to let everyone know. To not see her
little gray face in that window anymore and to enter a quiet
house amplifies her absence in our lives. Every day I
must open the gate where she got out of our yard, followed
by the inevitable memory of seeing her hit and killed.
Our computer wallpaper is a photo of Zoe and Neela, so being
at the computer makes me sad. Some of my passwords
have a Zoe theme and bring her to mind repeatedly. The
list goes on, as does my sorrow for my beloved Zoe.
And as my feelings grow for the puppies, I feel as if I am
betraying Zoe's memory, devaluing what she meant to us.
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January 1,
2003 - Everlasting
Void
Though
the holidays were busy for us traveling to see family along
with me working on the CWVC and WAG newsletters, I still
think about my little Zoe all the time. Each thought still
brings such sorrow and tears followed by more horrible
feelings of guilt, humiliation, self-loathing. And
just not wanting
to let go. Zoe would have loved all
the commotion of the holidays and playing with the puppies
as they grow and develop. All the "firsts"
without Zoe have been agonizing - sitting home weekends of
agility trials in which I had entered her, visiting our
parent's homes, going to Deb's for agility training,
visiting Zoe's breeder's home and seeing Zoe's mom Roxy and
brother Reebok, Debbie's visit with Zoe's brother Alex and
half-sister True. Sorting through photos, both film
and digital, is so hard yet I force myself to do it. I
still cannot go more than an hour without thinking of Zoe,
even at work. The puppies are certainly gifts from God
and we are bonding with them more every day that
passes. It is fascinating watching their personalities
develop. And we still cherish our beloved Neela.
We
had her spayed on December 11, 2002. Neela's age (6)
and the toll of rearing a litter of puppies was too great to
consider breeding again anytime soon, if ever.
I
plan on consulting with an Animal Communicator in the near
future. I hope to connect with Zoe as well as Neela,
Vivvi and Buelow. I will share my experience so keep
posted.
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November 1, 2002 - In Everloving Memory of "Zoe"
Zoe
was hit by a truck and killed on Hwy 83 in front of our house.
After years of being careful and fearing this very incident,
it has happened. Both Neela and Zoe got out of our
completely fenced-in yard due to my carelessness, but only
Zoe was struck. I am filled with emptiness, sorrow.
Life is a mere distraction for our heavy hearts. The
burden of guilt I also carry seems unbearable.
My husband, Rob, has been my salvation. I cannot begin
to express how comforting he has been to me, and this
through his own sorrow over the loss of his special little
girl. Thanks to all
who have kept us in your thoughts and prayers.
Zoe
loved playing with the puppies - she would lay on her back
on the floor and let them jump on her and bite her and she
would gently mouth them back. We have begun taking
them for walks in the yard and I know Zoe would have loved
this activity too. Though puppies take a lot of time,
we would frequently stop and give Zoe hugs and kisses,
stating "Zoe, you're still our #1".
She was our precious baby girl, in the prime of her life,
valiantly fighting recurring Mast Cell Tumors, loved as much
as anyone could love a child.
We
continue to pour our love onto Neela and the puppies during
this time of sadness.
But
we
miss Zoe so much, our hearts just ache.
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"Penny's Two Cents" Archive...
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